


wishing for something that's missing

by alicejericho



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Multi, The Trade, a loose soulmate au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21942274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alicejericho/pseuds/alicejericho
Summary: Everyone has imprints of everyone they have ever loved—platonically or romantically.Your strongest love being directly over your heart. They become brighter and more vibrant when you meet and spend lots of time around your loved ones… Gabe wasn’t expecting the one above his heart to fade when Tyson moved to Toronto.More concerning is that only half of it has faded.
Relationships: J. T. Compher/Tyson Jost/Alexander Kerfoot, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Tyson Barrie/Gabriel Landeskog/Nathan MacKinnon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 89





	wishing for something that's missing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bluejay141519](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluejay141519/gifts).



> It's literally Christmas morning for me but I needed to post this!
> 
> This is for Blue as part of [@hockeynetwork's](https://hockeynetwork.tumblr.com/) Gift Exchange!
> 
> Thanks to [Rach](https://archiveofourown.org/users/racheesi) for helping me out with this!

Gabe has been witness to many of his imprints fading and he knows that it doesn’t happen overnight.

When he left Sweden for Canada without his family it had taken nine months for them to fully disappear only for them to come back to full colour when he went home over the summer.

Moving to Denver left the swirls for his billet family and a few teammates bright for two months before they settled.

The most surprising, he thinks, is the fact that when Factor was traded to Buffalo it took three months for the imprint on the centre of his left palm to fade to grey.

So, as the season starts in Denver and the imprint over his heart begins to fade out, he knows that it’s because Tyson is more than 1500 miles away in Toronto. In a different colour blue.

Practices and pre-season games have already been and gone but there’s something wrong about being in the locker room, dressing for the first regular season game and Tyson not being there.

Gabe doesn’t want to say that there’s less excitement because that would be a discredit to the rest of the team. There’s less excitement inside him than normal.

Nate is also noticeably less present—he’s not as engaged in conversation, definitely not as loud. Gabe tries not to stare at the fading imprint on Nate’s chest and instead focuses on changing quickly enough that nobody can notice his.

It isn’t until after the game—a win, at home, thankfully—that Gabe remembers for the first time that day that he and Nate aren’t the only ones missing a teammate as more than just a teammate.

JT and Josty are sitting beside each other at JT’s stall, poking each other’s imprints and talking about how cute it is that they won their home opener with the same score that the Leafs won theirs.

“You guys okay over here?” Gabe asks and they both look at him with bright smiles.

JT’s is slightly bigger.

“I have more points than both of them,” he boasts.

Josty pokes the imprint just a little bit harder before JT wraps his arm around his shoulder and pulls him close.

“Keep it up, okay? You both played really well.”

Nate looks far less pleased when Gabe checks on him next. He hasn’t been the same since returning to Denver and Gabe doesn’t know what to do. Short of admitting that he was also in love with Nate’s boyfriend, there doesn’t seem like any good way to empathise. So, he pats Nate on the shoulder and disappears into the showers, knowing that everyone else has cleared out and his imprint is safe.

* * *

Gabe has a hysterical thought that night while trying to sleep that it could be fading because of Alexander.

* * *

When he wakes up to a congratulatory text from Tyson, he knows that isn’t true.

* * *

There’s an imprint on the back of his right shoulder and he only knows it belongs to Duchene because it started to fade after the trade was officially requested—it’s not unheard of for imprints to fade while you’re still around someone, but it takes a lot—and then all colour had disappeared by the time Gabe was finished showering after the Islanders game.

Gabe swears he can remember an impossible physical ache at the exact moment Duchene was pulled from the ice.

It would be easier if that would happen again.

* * *

Hockey is easy. Hockey is the best distraction Gabe has for whatever the fuck is going on. Things are only getting weirder.

Two weeks into the season the imprint just _stops fading._ Almost straight down the middle is a clean line separating colour from grey.

He suspects he’s getting as many texts from Tyson as Nate, and when the team is together Nate’s phones alternates dings with his as if Tyson is just switching between their messages. Nate notices because he catches Gabe’s eye and smiles his Tyson Smile.

Gabe looks away fast enough that he feels his neck twinge but it’s necessary. He can’t be held responsible for any feelings that might surface over the next few weeks.

God, he hopes it’s only a few weeks.

* * *

The season starts well. _Great_ , really. October is far better than Gabe could ever have hoped for in terms of team success and it’s not a bad personal start either until he fucks up his ankle right at the very end and gets tagged with the dreaded _indefinitely_ label.

Tyson also starts texting him _even more_ and Gabe spends a lot of time sitting on his couch wondering what he did to deserve such pain.

_T-Bear: think i should do no shave November_

_T-Bear: nate says no_

_T-Bears: thoughts ?_

Gabe’s thoughts are that he wants to throw his phone at the wall but he takes a deep breath and types back a firm “no.” complete with period.

He gets a smiley face back and swears he feels his imprint heat up.

So, he rips off his shirt as he gets off his couch as quickly as possible—speed is hindered, intent is not—and stares at himself in the bathroom mirror but the imprint is still exactly the same as it was when he stared at it an hour beforehand.

The uneven circle is just as uneven, still wobbly around the edges. Broken cleanly down the middle.

* * *

Funnily enough, Gabe has one for Kerf. On his ear lobe of all places. He doesn’t quite know why Kerf got one when the other rookies didn’t because he doesn’t think he loves them any less than he loves Kerf.

They’re a funny thing, the imprints.

* * *

The ankle injury makes it easier to avoid Nate which is the only positive about the whole thing.

At first Nate tries to ask him to lunch with the request to talk about “Captain Stuff” but Gabe legitimately has to talk the doctors, so he makes EJ go instead and says they can debrief later.

Then he manages to get out of it by pretending it’s too sore and that he’d done too much at therapy—which is a horrible excuse and true exactly two out of the nine times he used it. Nate doesn’t look impressed any time Gabe says it, but he doesn’t fight it. Nate’s been injured before. He gets it.

One time Gabe is walking down the hall and Nate turns the corner and looks absolutely delighted to see him. It breaks his heart—and Nate’s, if his face is anything to go by—when he makes eye contact and then pivots as quickly as he can and turns back in the direction he came.

He definitely hears Nate swear.

* * *

His tactical avoidance of Nate isn’t an issue until it is.

EJ is the first to really notice—or the first to say something—and it comes after a particularly long practice where Gabe and Nate were always on the ice at the same time, which meant they were on the bench at the same time, and Gabe said nothing that wasn’t about hockey.

He could have been a bit more subtle, he supposed.

“What did he do?” EJ asks, cornering Gabe in the parking lot by their cars. “What did _you_ do?”

Gabe does his best not to get flustered. He digs his heels into the concrete to ground himself and he looks EJ in the eye as he says, “Nothing. No one did anything.”

“Then why do you run whenever he gets anywhere near you? He’s your A. He’s your _friend_.”

The pit in Gabe’s stomach, and the ache in his chest, get worse as he thinks of all the times in the past two weeks that he’s done just that. Run.

With a shake of his head, he gets in his car without answering the question in what is the least incriminating way he can think to get out of the conversation. Even if it’s definitely the most incriminating way.

The road home is long, and he hates how alone he is in the car. How alone he is in his house. That part hasn’t changed, though. Except that now he can’t just drop into Nate & Tyson’s when he’s feeling lonely.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he wishes he was a strong enough person to not take it out while he’s driving but he isn’t, so he finagles his phone out of his jeans and really wishes that he was a strong enough person.

Tyson’s name is on the screen, having text him, and another one comes through while he’s looking at it. It shocks him enough that he drops his phone into the footwell. He thumps the steering wheel hard enough to activate the horn and that makes him jump, too.

He doesn’t even turn the car off when he pulls into his garage. Just scrambles for his phone as the garage door closes.

_T-Bear: why is it that when i ask nate how you are he gets really quiet and sounds a bit like he’s about to cry._

And, oh, those are full sentences. Gabe doesn’t remember the last time Tyson texted him using full sentences.

_T-Bear: seriously gabe?? i needed you to look after him._

Every part of his body aches ten times more than it already did.

He turns the car off and goes inside.

If his phone gets left in the car, that’s nobody’s business but his.

* * *

There’s a road trip just before The Game.

It’s a blessing in that he doesn’t have to talk to anyone about it—and he knows that they’re talking about it because while he doesn’t have to talk to anyone about it, EJ still gives him updates.

(EJ talks to him with a sense of confusion and disappointment and maybe he should start avoiding EJ, too).

It’s a curse because there’s endless time to think about it himself.

Tyson.

Nate.

Denver.

Home.

* * *

Iggy leaves him with a sizeable imprint—one of his biggest, actually—when he gets traded to LA.

By the next week it’s faded into an obscurely shaped grey blob over his right up that still catches his eye when he looks in the mirror.

* * *

Nate has made it very clear that Tyson will be coming into the room after the game. Nate is very excited.

To be fair, so is the rest of the team.

But seeing Nate so genuinely happy for the first time since they reunited in September cuts through Gabe in ways he hadn’t imagined possible. He thought he’d experienced pain in every possible way but he was mistaken. This is a level of heartache he doesn’t know what to do with.

* * *

If Gabe leaves immediately after the post-game round up, receiving the dirtiest of looks from EJ, the most confused of looks from the team and the most hurt of looks from Nate.

He has to. The thought of seeing Tyson sets his chest on fire. Not even just the imprint, _his entire chest_.

Although, the crestfallen expression on Nate’s face and the way that he’d turned away before Gabe could get a proper look at him is a weight that Gabe didn’t need but he manages to get out of the room before his chest explodes or tears can spill from his eyes.

* * *

_T-Bear: so you’re also avoiding me?_

_T-Bear: man it’s been months and I wanted to see you_

_T-Bear: what the fuck’s going on?_

_Gabe: just wanted to make sure you got to catch up with Nate._

_T-Bear: bullshit excuse for you to not even be near the locker room to say hey_

_T-Bear: but fine, if we’re not being friends anymore that’s cool_

* * *

It’s easier that way.

Even if Gabe feels like he’s never going to be okay again.

* * *

And then everything sucks in a regular way for the next week—Nate isn’t even trying to talk to him anymore, which isn’t regular but it’s okay (it’s not) and EJ has been glaring at him so viciously that Gabe finally understands the expression ‘If looks could kill’.

The rest of the team is finally starting to cotton on to the weirdness. Gabe isn’t being much of a Captain and he knows it. He’s surprised they haven’t noticed sooner that he doesn’t hang around very long after games or that he doesn’t go out with the team when they’re having dinner or going out for the drinks but when they start to notice they _really_ start to notice.

Big Z starts reminding Gabe that he has a _child_ at home but still makes an effort to get out.

Burky asks a lot of questions—which someone may have put him up to because Burky doesn’t know how it was _before_ —and Gabe has to stay longer than he would like. But he is still the captain and Burky is asking for help.

JT & Josty don’t talk _to_ Gabe as much as they talk about him. And he knows it’s about him because their heads are always close together and when JT is whispering in Josty’s ear, Josty is _staring right at Gabe_. Vice versa for when Josty is whispering in JT’s ear.

EJ looks delighted every time someone accosts Gabe in his stall.

Nate doesn’t even look at him.

* * *

The worst of the accosting comes when JT and Josty finally decide to make a move and talk to him. He’s been talking to Bednar for long enough after practice that most of the team is showered and just hanging out when he steps into the room.

(Nate’s already gone. His stall is empty.)

“Lunch,” Josty says, kicking Gabe’s good leg. “No questions. No arguments.”

“Not today—”

“I literally just said no excuses,” Josty says firmly, levelling Gabe with a look that he didn’t know Josty—sweet, happy-go-lucky Josty—was capable of.

So, Gabe goes to lunch with Josty and JT.

And they eat, at first. It’s not what he expected but if they’re just going to eat their lunch and part ways that’s fine. He can do that.

He can talk about the games and the season and the league-wide dramas. It’s refreshing, honestly, to be able to talk to his teammates outside of the locker room. Partially his own fault for ghosting his entire team but they also went on a road trip without him so only _partially_.

What he can’t do is watch Josty and JT grow more serious as the waiter clears the table.

That’s not a good sign.

“This is going to be a super personal conversation,” JT says. Gabe sinks down in his seat and tries to guess how quickly he can make a run for the front door.

“I noticed in the locker room that your imprint,” Josty says, pointing at Gabe’s chest, “is only half faded.”

Gabe covers his imprint, despite the fact he’s wearing a shirt, and stares as menacingly as he can over the table. It doesn’t work because neither of them looks like they’ve even thought about flinching.

Maybe going AWOL has made him lose some of his credibility as captain.

That’s… Panic rips through him as it truly starts to dawn on him that he hadn’t just been an absent friend.

Hockey wasn’t supposed to be ruined by this.

“And?” He asks quickly. Frantically, to distract himself from his own thoughts.

“Likes ours,” JT adds. “Kerf got traded and pretty rapidly mine started to fade. Tys’ took a little longer, he’s got a little more love him in, I think.”

Josty preens, rocking into JT, before he seemingly remembers where he is and straightens up to say, “Alexander’s is entirely gone. And I reckon Brutes’ is, too.”

“Of course, it is,” Gabe says. “Nate’s here, Tyson’s there, and both their hearts have faded. Mine just take longer than most.”

A smug look crosses Josty’s face and Gabe thinks he might have just admitted that his heart was fading because of Tyson.

“For what it’s worth, I think you should pay more attention to what’s going on with Nate.”

Gabe doesn’t know how he can pay more attention to Nate. Despite the fact that he’s avoiding him, every time they’re in a room together Gabe is looking at Nate. He thinks it’s because he’s so used to seeing Tyson when he looks at Nate and he’s spent far too long looking for Tyson.

He agrees with the boys just so they’ll let him leave.

* * *

Gabe does as he’s told and starts looking at Nate again.

It’s rough.

May as well be taking sandpaper to his heart but JT and Josty have their shit together so they must know _something_.

He doesn’t know what he’s looking for.

* * *

Two new imprints grow despite his inner turmoil.

They grow on the same ear as Kerf’s but are distinctly separate, running up the cartilage on the outside. Wrapping around the back.

For JT and Josty, Gabe suspects.

Proof that he loves them, too.

* * *

Nate starts to notice that Gabe is looking at him more often and he reacts by raising his eyebrow whenever he catches Gabe.

It’s a better reaction than Gabe expected if he’s being honest.

He would have allowed a scowl. Some cursing. A few fists, maybe.

The smile hits right in the chest.

* * *

He sees a lot after the Chicago game. He actually sees JT & Josty’s imprints and, sure enough, they look exactly like his.

It’s a small comfort to know that he’s not the only person out there with half an imprint faded out, and then he actually thinks about what it means.

_JT. Josty. Kerf._

The rookies who have been in relationship since the very beginning.

The rookies who lost one to a trade and now have two people sitting in a locker room with half an imprint.

What really fucks him up, though?

When he looks at Nate as he walks out of the showers, eyes drawn immediately to his chest and he sees _the exact same thing_.

He stands up so fast his head hurts and all but sprints out of the room.

* * *

“What the fuck is going on with you?” EJ asks abruptly, hauling Gabe by the arm into the trainer’s room.

“Nothing is going on with me,” Gabe lies. Poorly.

“Really? So you haven’t been avoiding everyone? The entire team has noticed. Half of them think you’ve requested a fucking trade.”

Gabe recoils, twinges his neck again, and spits, “ _I didn’t request a fucking trade_.”

“Could’ve fooled me. Sort your shit out because I’m expecting your imprint to start fading any goddamn second you’ve been avoiding me for so long.”

He looks down at EJ’s right shin, where he knows that imprint is and closes his eyes.

His hand comes up to rub over his heart. EJ’s eyes follow the movement and he sighs as if he’s realising something.

“It’s not the end of the world,” he says slowly.

“You don’t even know what it is.”

“We’ll be there tomorrow and you can fix whatever it is that’s going on.”

And okay, so maybe more people know about this than Gabe’s realised.

* * *

He has one for OEL, it’s fun and runs the length of his left pinkie finger. They see each other so rarely that he doesn’t always think about who it belongs to but when they play the Coyotes—or when they get to play on the same team for Worlds—it lights up and Gabe is reminded that distance doesn’t always mean broken.

* * *

Gabe’s not playing in the game but he’s expected to return during the road trip, so he sits in the press box at Scotiabank and watches his boys win.

Watches Nate score.

Watches Tyson finish the game with a -1.

It’s fine.

And you would think that unless you saw the way his knee was bouncing up and down the entire game.

He sits in the locker room and watches Bednar talk about their strengths and weaknesses.

Watches Nate congratulate the boys on their effort.

Watches Nate turn to him, smile, and proudly remind everyone that their captain would be back in action the next night, so they didn’t have to listen to him anymore.

Gabe’s going to miss sitting and listen to Nate.

He doesn’t think too much about getting up and leaving after—and Nate’s confused look as it happens has become so normal that he doesn’t even think twice about it. That is until EJ stands in front of the door, half-dressed and taking up as much space as he possibly can.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Uh—”

“The answer better be that you’re waiting for Nate to be done so you can go talk to Tyson together.”

“I—uh—”

“Good, I suggest you wait in here or Toronto Media is going to be all over your ass.”

EJ puts his hands on Gabe’s shoulders and physically spins him around.

It’s a little humiliating.

Even more humiliating is how, when Nate has just finished wrapping his scarf around his neck to signify he’s ready to head out, EJ stops him in his tracks.

He says, casually, like it doesn’t stop the room and the Earth from spinning on its axis, “Gabe wants to see Tyson.”

Nate turns to Gabe—who has been sitting in his stall for way too long just staring at the opposite wall—with his head tilted. He asks, “yeah?”

And Gabe responds, “yeah.”

And that’s how they both end up walking silently together in a direction that only Nate knows.

And then they stand silently until Tyson rounds the corner.

If Nate’s Tyson Smile hurts, Tyson’s Nate Smile might as well leave Gabe dead.

It’s almost as if he doesn’t even notice Gabe at first, he makes a beeline for Nate. There’s a kiss between them that Gabe has to look away from. Except that’s what draws Tyson’s attention.

“You’re actually here,” Tyson says, like he truly doesn’t believe it.

Gabe doesn’t really, either. So he says, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Tyson asks. His hands haven’t left Nate’s body and it’s actually quite distracting.

“Ignoring you both.”

“Why were you ignoring us, Gabe?” Tyson presses. Gabe wants to crawl inside himself. He knew he was going to have to have it eventually but that doesn’t make it any easier.

“I can’t—it’s not—”

Nate reaches forward while Gabe is stammering and, to Gabe’s horror and Tyson’s mild (MILD! Why is it _mild?!_ ) bemusement, and starts to unbutton Gabe’s shirt. There’s so much running through Gabe’s head that he doesn’t even think to stop Nate until multiple buttons are undone and his shirt is being pushed to the side.

By the time Gabe gets his bearings, Nate and Tyson are both staring at the imprint on his chest.

“ _What the fuck are you doing?_ ” Gabe asks, swatting Nate’s hand away and taking a few steps back.

“You were right,” Tyson says as he starts to unbutton his own shirt.

Gabe is very concerned about what is happening. It’s all very bizarre.

“JT was right,” Nate corrects. He’s smiling now _and also unbuttoning his shirt_.

Tyson bears his own imprint, slowly fading back to full colour, and smiles at Gabe. “You were ignoring us because you were worried about—what? Being in love with us?”

“I—”

Colour is also slowly fading back into Nate’s imprint and Gabe doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be saying or doing.

“Gabe—look at your imprint.”

“Why?”

“Because the colour’s come back,” Nate says firmly, opening Gabe’s shirt for him.

Gabe tilts his chin to stare at his chest and nearly falls over. For the first time since the summer, his entire imprint is blooming. He, on the other hand, can feel his face go pale.

He looks around, scouting for the nearest exit, and takes a small almost imperceptible step when a hand grabs his wrist and he looks up at Nate and sees the same expression he’s seen a lot since the season started.

“Don’t you _dare_ leave right now,” he says through gritted teeth.

“What do you want me to _say_?”

“Gabe, you’ve seen my imprint—I know you have. And I know that you spoke to Comph and Josty about this.”

“It’s not like they said a whole lot.”

“You’re not an idiot, Gabe,” Tyson says, gentler than Nate.

Gabe stills wants to crawl into himself.

“It’s not—you think that this is easy for me? I fell in love with you,” he looks at Tyson who cuts him off.

“Sounds pretty easy to me.”

“But you’ve been with Nate for years and I was getting over it. I was getting over you—or I thought I was and then you got traded and my imprint started to fade and then it _didn’t,_ and I was, what? Also in love with Nate? How is any of this easy.”

“So, you took the mature route and ignored us both.”

Being sassed by Nate isn’t an unfamiliar feeling for Gabe. It doesn’t make it a particularly nice feeling in this moment when he’s being stared down by both Nate and Tyson after just admitting some not so great things.

“What’s the other option here?”

“Learn from the rookies?” Tyson says like it’s obvious.

“You’d both want to?”

“You’re a lot dumber than you look.”

Gabe scoffs, ready to fight back when lips are pressed against his and someone is holding him close.

He’s very surprised to see that Nate is the one who’s taken the lead, here, but he’s not complaining.

He doesn’t know how long they’re kissing for but when they break apart, Tyson is smiling at them both and, okay, maybe it was never just a smile meant for Nate.

Tyson steps forward, presses his hand against Gabe’s imprint, his palm covering it. Nate’s hand covers his and Gabe feels warmth flood his entire body, starting right in the colour.

* * *

Gabriel Landeskog has an imprint on his chest for Tyson Barrie and Nathan Mackinnon that fades out and in but he’s never worried that it’ll be dark forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr:  
> Hockey: [@antoineroussel](https://antoineroussel.tumblr.com/)  
> Non-Hockey: [@moreasoldier](https://moreasoldier.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Any mistakes are my own fault, please let me know if there's something that needs to be fixed.


End file.
